Dancing Around the Edges

I've been silent for a while: a trip to the doctor in Denver, farewell get-togethers, a myriad of getting-ready-to-move details and sick children home from school all have put pause to my online musings. I also celebrated my birthday. I just turned 39, a year closer to the infamous 40, but for me, my sights are set on 50.

Last year my doctor told me that she thought I was never really going to get rid of sarcoidosis (it was the first time anyone had dared to tell me that and I so appreciated her candor).In many cases sarcoidosis goes into remission by itself and with time but in my case it has been too persistent, too difficult to control and seems to have too tight of a hold on me. However, she tells me that if I can make it to 50 then I may see it becoming easier to control and more willing to loosen its grip a little, and perhaps I'll be able to pull back on some of the heavy-duty meds I'm on, all I suppose as hormones change and the immune system calms down a little, as occurs naturally with aging. So, my birthday ritual this year included a silent homage to the aging process and a respectful salute to the next 11 years! And I'm dreaming of a big birthday bash when I'm 50!

Last week my doctor confirmed some more sarcoid symptoms. She told me that I was "dancing on the edge of some major disease activity". She brought up that stress issue again. Oh my, now I am trying so hard not to stress about being stressed! With some reflection though I have come to the conclusion that moving house and across the country is a major life transition and I have decided to try to accept that of course I am going to feel stressed. I shall try to just keep moving through it knowing that all shall be well again in time. In the meantime I shall keep dancing on the edges, and while I'm at it I shall dance with grace and joy and loving the music...